


Why they are not better friends

by Todteufelritter



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Bar Room Brawl, Drinking, F/F, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28292517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Todteufelritter/pseuds/Todteufelritter
Summary: This little thing is inspired by the observation that Cass and Leliana are cordial but not close throughout Inquisition, despite presumably working together on occasion for 6 or 7 years.  Also, I find a hardened post-Origins Leliana hilarious and Cass is a natural straight (wo)man in any comedic bit. Also, self-disciplined characters are funny when they are drunk.These two are the fucking best
Relationships: Leliana/Warden (Dragon Age), Regalyan D'Marcall/Cassandra Pentaghast
Kudos: 2





	Why they are not better friends

A street in Val Royeaux, during the festival following the Divine Justinia’s Installation:  
Leliana: It was a pleasure to meet you at Most Holy’s installation, Lady Cassandra.

Cassandra (starts, wheels around, gripping her sword): Where did you come from!?

L: I have been behind you since we left the Divine Palace. But that is not important. We should get to know each other better. I know a tavern by the docks.

C: You do not seem to be asking.

L: You may want to wear something over your Seeker’s armour, it is hardly discreet.

C (throwing on a cloak): I sometimes like the way everyone shies away from me. It gives me space. The stares are a small price to pay.

L: I would get tired of people sputtering in terror when I try to buy a tartlet..

C: I am used to it. And I have avoided the tartlets of Val Royeaux since the year ‘28.

L: Ugh, a bad tartlet! you must have been sick for a week. We do take such risks in the service of Our Lady.

Here we are. The Drowned Man. 

C: -Disgusted Noise- I prefer the smell of my stable.

L: Just enjoy yourself! Andraste has blessed us with a new divine. And you have found a new friend, I think. This table is discreet. 

We cannot both sit with our back to the wall, Lady Seeker.

C: We can try.

L:Two Eau de Vie. And keep them coming.

C: It has been some time since I was in a tavern in this city. Officially I may still ask for free drinks wherever I go in Val Royeaux.

L: The sacred rights of the Hero of Orlais!

C: I grew tired of the marriage proposals, and the challenges to duels, and the offers to be the Champion of Marquis so and so, and so I do not get out much. 

-Digusted Noise- What is in this?

L: Plum wine, run through an alembic 3 times. You can never trust the wine or the beer in these places. Better to get the eau de vie.

Barman, another round for my friend and I!

The Next morning. Cassandra’s chamber in the garret of the north tower of the Divine’s palace.

L: Oh there you are. Seeker Lucius me to be worried if you were not outside trying to decapitate a training dummy or punching a tree. So I was concerned for you, my friend.

C: -Disgusted Noise- You! Did you poison me last night?!

L: -Laughs- If I had poisoned you, lady seeker, you would be dead now. I think you had too much to drink You should be careful, at our age we cannot drink as we used to.

C: -Disgusted noise- Of course. I...cannot remember much. Why do I have blood on my nose?... And My forehead?... And my knuckles?

L: Before I tell you the story, what is the last thing that you remember?

C: I asked about the Fifth Blight, and the the Hero of Ferelden. You said she was very beautiful, which was an odd observation.

L: But she was!

C: I would not have noticed. Ugh. My head.

L: You asked about the fifth blight. I have heard many people say they wish they could have fought the darkspawn. You are the first one I believed. And then you talked of your own work - corrupt templars, blood magic, demonic possession, heretical priests, cults and blood sacrifice. And that is when you started -really- drinking.

C: Uh...I suppose that would do it. Normally I prefer prayer or training to distract me. 

L: You were mumbling a litany in between drinks. And you hit the table quite a bit.

C: That sounds...mildly blasphemous.

L: I often think that we most need Andraste’s aid when we are in our cups. My favorite prayer at such times is “Lady, give me chastity and temperance, but not yet.”

C: oh. That was a joke. Did I bloody my knuckles hitting the table or…?

L: That was the the retinue of Lord D’autregon. They pinched me. You were very gallant on my behalf. And they were very bloody at the end of it. It has been a while since I have seen a man punched so hard he vomited.

C: Ugh...and the forehead?

L: That was the ruffian that asked you if you were often mistaken for a man. You were very witty: “I don’t know, do people mistake you for a man?” and then you head-butted him. And kneed him in the face, and hit him with a chair. After that, the owner politely asked that we leave.

C: And the nose?

L: On the way out you called Val Royeaux a ‘stinking piss hole’ and a Qunari took offense, insulted our chastity and the chastity of Our Lady. He hit your nose when you wrestled him to the ground with his horns. Then he dislocated...several limbs. He seemed to enjoy himself.

C: So I was a disgrace last night.

L: I thought you were glorious. Most Holy is fortunate to have such a courageous and proficient right hand.

C: I have not been so drunk since...

L:The Hero of Orlais's reception at The Winter Palace.

C: I had thought I would be less bored and disgusted with that charade if I were drunk. Wait, how do you know about that!?

L: I read it in lady Monteffort's diary. The young seeker drank quite a bit and passionately kissed the mage Regalyan.

You are smiling.

C: I am not. I nearly disgraced the order and Most Holy. And it would be worth it if I could remember the look on those courtiers stupid faces.

L: Everyone agreed that the Lady Seeker simply had too much punch. But that is not the real story, I think. You are not a woman that bends a man over and kisses him simply because you are drunk.

C: Let us not speak of this.

L: You are sensitive!

C: And you...you are interrogating me. Why am I saying so much to you?

L: Most Holy says I have an honest face. And you are still drunk, I think.

C: -stands up- Ugh, so I am. You did this to me. You got me drunk so I would..I would reveal myself to you.

L: If we are to be friends, I must know a bit about you. And the left hand must know what the right hand is doing. Would you prefer that I take you to a dark chamber and question you?

C: Yes! Then I would not be retching.

Please Leave.

L: I look forward to knowing you better, Lady Seeker. And if you are free tonight, my young friend Josephine and I were going to…

C: Leave!


End file.
